Men: With each passing generation, we’re losing our masculinity.
No, I’m talking about our image, nor am I talking about the ever-so-popular “macho” mentality. God knows none of that is going anywhere anytime soon. Rather, I’m talking about the respect we have for ourselves.
This exact premise is what differentiates boys from men.
You see, these days, the majority of men only care about two specific things: The amount of money they can earn and the number of women they can sleep with. Or, in today’s lingo, keeping it “100.”
Somehow through the years, this has become the definition of masculinity.
Achieving success in these two categories catapults you to top-tier social status amongst your boys, gets you the nicest clothes, fanciest cars and VIP at the best clubs in town.
It even makes you popular with women, and, well, who cares who you hurt in the process? You’re getting yours… that’s all that matters, right? Wrong.
They say bad boys attract all the woman, and those nice guys ? Apparently, they finish last. Or… do they?
He wants you one day, he doesn’t want you the next. Drives you crazy, right? Why can’t you get this man to love you?
You’re forced to wonder who’s occupying his time, who’s occupying his mind and why in God’s name won’t he treat you with the love and respect you deserve?
And that time he’s not giving to you? He’s giving it to other women. Yes, trust me, he is.
Men are humans; they want to feel accepted, just like you.
Insecure men, unfortunately, need reassurance. And, when that reassurance from one person isn’t enough, they find others to boost their egos.
His choices include spending time with friends over spending time with you, conveniently forgetting important dates, hiding his phone when you take a peak and getting angry when you ask him who he’s talking to.
Rest assured, it’s his friend. And always the same friend. He’s filled with excuses.
Somehow, he never takes initiative with you. You have to set the agenda, plan the date and make most of the difficult decisions in your relationship by yourself. Frustrating much?
He posts pictures on social media of him and his friends, and is oddly curious who “likes” it, but never posts photos of the two of you.
If he does happen put up a photo of the two of you, it’s simply because you had to force him.
And, all of his “girl” friends who like every one of his other pictures never happen to like the ones of the two of you.
These are his “friends” who are so happy for the two of you!
But for whatever reason, you find this appealing. Because in your mind, you have this desire to know you can win him over every single day.
The challenge excites you as much as it hurts you.
Until one day, when you wake up supporting a man who’s belittled your ambitions, cheated on you physically, mentally and emotionally and has absolutely nothing to offer to the growth of your life.
You’re with a man whose insecurity bleeds over from his relationship into his career.
These men are always the ones going job-to-job because “a better opportunity presented itself.”
Well, no better opportunity presented itself; he’s just lost in life and searching for the next best thing to give him his temporary fix.
If he can’t even focus eight hours a day on a career, what makes you think he can focus on a lifelong love with you?
Yet, he belittles your ambitions and drive. He doesn’t want to see you more successful than him; that becomes a threat and too big of shot at his ego.
So, he makes you feel worthless, calls you every name in the book and then apologizes later to make you feel like there’s some remorse inside of him. There is none.
He doesn’t respect himself. And he will never respect you. Some call these men bad boys; I call them insecure boys — with no drive and no vision for life.
Suddenly, that life you dreamt of as a young girl becomes a foregone reality.
Enter a strong, confident, intelligent and secure man: the one who never plays games with your emotions.
He thinks you are the most beautiful woman in the world and isn’t afraid to let you know that… every day.
Just like those bad boys, he too can attract handfuls of women. Why?
Because he’s confident in who he is, comfortable in his own skin, has his sh*t together and is ready to take you on a journey with him.
He’s mentally sharp and he dresses with class. He’s soft-spoken, respectful and has the best manners.
A multitude of women throwing themselves at him isn’t appealing, though. He only wants one, a great one. And he won’t settle for anything less.
He knows sleeping with random women isn’t challenging in this day and age, but finding the right one is. And, that’s what makes it all worth it.
When he finds that woman, he’ll pursue her, aggressively, yet subtly.
There’s no fear in investing his time into her; he knows her worth. And there’s never a rush… he knows great things take time and effort.
If he wants her bad enough, you can bet your ass he’s going to find a way to get her. He’ll impress you without ever having to say a word.
He’ll take initiative to plan special nights for you, he’ll call you out of nowhere just to say hello, surprise you at work for lunch or send you flowers just because.
His intelligence will stimulate your mind and his charisma will capture your heart.
He knows how to make you laugh, but more importantly, he knows how to make you feel beautiful, even when you’re not all done up.
In fact, this is when he finds you the most beautiful. It’s purely you. Those insecurities of yours? He knows how to make them disappear. Every last one of them.
You’re not competing with other women for the top spot. He lets you know where you stand every day, and shows you off to the world.
He doesn’t look to make you jealous of other women. No, he wants other women to be jealous of you.
When he kisses you, he does so in such a way that feels romantic yet sexy. You can feel confidence through his lips, and it’s a turn on you’ve never experienced.
Even the way he holds you close is filled with pure passion. His time?
It’s occupied with building a career, bettering himself and building a foundation for the life he dreams of for the two of you.
He’s not deciding what club he’ll turn up in next with his boys or which filter he’ll use on his selfie.
He’s just different. And you find it drawing you in.
He empowers you to reach for your dreams. And, he does so because he’s already empowered himself.
He’s set goals and is well on his way to achieving them. His gratification comes internally, not from outside sources.
He realizes how beautiful life is, and wants to show it all to you.
And, before you know it, you’ll fall in love with every little thing about him: the way he says your name, the way he looks at you, the way he makes you smile, the way he believes in you, the way he encourages you to pursue your dreams… all of it.
So, maybe it’s true that bad boys attract all the girls, and that’s okay.
Because it’s the nice guy who’s going to walk into your life one day to change your whole direction.
He may just be standing right in front of you.
Keep your eyes open.