In the recent weeks, domestic violence cases have been more and more prominent in the news. The media, as it does so very well, dissects every aspect of these stories with a fine tooth comb. In one particular story an NFL franchise cut one of its players off of their roster and the league suspended him indefinitely a mere hour later. Critics have weighed in calling it too harsh, while others have demanded this player never have a chance to play in the NFL again.
Lets think about this for a minute …. a man was fired from his job for striking a woman, knocking her unconscious, and dragging her outside of an elevator. In my eyes this was the right punishment, but what about all of the other woman in the world who are getting abused every single day either verbally or physically? I don’t see men losing their job because of it. In fact I don’t see any repercussion from that type of behavior. It goes unnoticed and it persists because when you continue to allow that type of behavior you’ve only empowered that individual.
I’m a strong opponent to any type of abuse, especially physical. As a man, I’ve always believed it is your job to love, honor and respect a woman. For starters, she’s someones daughter. She has a mother and a father who want the best for her, who raised her with the hopes she would find a man to protect her as they have. Moreover, if she’s chosen to devote her time and life to you, she deserves your utmost respect, everyday. Threatening, manipulating or harming her only relinquishes your ability to considered a real man. In fact, it makes you a coward. What’s sad though is that these days it seems that these types of abuse are becoming more prominent in relationships.
You see, a man who loves you doesn’t hurt you and he definitely does’t make you cry. Will people disagree? Absolutely. Will people argue? Of course. But there should never be a place for someone to belittle you or ever inflict harm on you. It’s become an acceptable form of behavior that always seems to be healed by the words “I love you”. They weren’t thinking about how much they loved you when they were making you feel worthless or putting your safety at risk. When you walk away, all of a sudden their insecurities scream they need you. Immediately they realize how amazing you are. It’s always the afterthought, the romantic dinner, the flowers, the card saying I’m sorry that seems to hold more meaning than true actions. Anyone can put on a good show, but it’s the consistency of your actions that define your inner emotions for an another being. In fact, when someone’s love is so pure, you’ll never have to hear them tell you. You’ll just feel it.
Have you ever noticed that abusive individuals are often selfish individuals? They tend to be insecure. They only seem to care about themselves. It’s all about what makes them happy, or what’s on their agenda. They crave attention, but never from you. They give attention, but never to you. They are too busy figuring out what’s next for them to concern themselves about the emotions of the people they love. They often blame you for their abusiveness, saying you caused them to act in outrage. They become extremely apologetic after the fact. But the vicious cycle continues. The end? There is none. It only gets worse.
I’ve heard all different reasons for why people stay and to be honest with you, I don’t agree with any of them. Be it financial, heartfelt emotions, fear, etc., none have a more harmful impact on your life than condoning the physical or verbal abuse of yourself. Nobody’s words of physical strength should make you succumb to fear. Realize your worth, get up and walk out. They don’t deserve you. Not now, not never. Everyone deserves the chance to be happy, but the only way that ever happens is when you want it bad enough.
I may not have a woman in my life right now, but I’ve promised myself that the day I do I will make certain she knows that she’s the priority in my life. The woman I end up sharing my heart with will eventually be the mother of my children, thus making her the most important person in my world. Knowing that one day she will give me my best gift, my child, is reason enough to love her and respect her. I am certain I will find a million other reasons to fall in love with her over and over again. There is no money, no home, no career …. nothing, that can ever be more important to me than her happiness. And more importantly, she will never have to fear being abused. My love will never hurt nor should anyone else’s.
I encourage all women to stand up to domestic violence. Sure, there may not be closed circuit cameras recording every altercation you may have, or some national cable channel broadcasting your pain, but your outlet is your voice. When you finally say enough is enough, it stops … forever.