It's something I so often catch myself thinking about.
The thought of your mother and father looking at you when you were a little girl, dreaming of what the rest of your life would look like.
Certain that all of their thoughts somehow centered around you always being protected, no matter where your journey in life would lead you.
They've spent so many years showering you with their love; working tirelessly to give you a wonderful life. All while pouring so much effort into raising you to be kind in a world so sadly filled with hate.
To ensure that one day you'd have the opportunity to achieve your own dreams, to set out on your own path, and live a life that would bring you the joy and happiness that you have so often filled their hearts with.
A life that would eventually introduce you to a man who would take over from where they left off. To love you unconditionally, to see perfection in all of your flaws, and protect you from harm for the rest of his life.
The way they so selflessly have before him.
Someone who would push you in the direction of your dreams, and believe in you more than you have ever believed in yourself. Spending every last day ensuring that the life they've dreamt for you comes to fruition ...
And love you
fOR EVERYTHING YOU ARE.
I too have wondered what my future might look like.
A future I've waited so patiently for all these years.
It's a place I often close my eyes and dream of. Where my hopes lie, and I so anxiously look to for strength. It's been a place to come home to, cities to explore, memories to create, thoughts of my children running wild and free ...
And one woman. To fall in love with over and over again.
For me, heartache clouded that vision for the longest time; making it so difficult to focus on my dreams for tomorrow. I spent so many years picking up the pieces to a life that was once filled with so much promise, that I couldn't fathom what a better tomorrow may have felt like.
The feeling of pain was so fresh, and the wounds of losing what I worked so hard for were busted wide open. I no longer trusted people, and sadly I felt that I would never love the same way again.
Maybe that was the point. To love differently.
My mother would always tell me that there would come a day that I would lay my eyes on a soul that was so pure and so beautiful; someone who would make sense of all the pain and suffering I had gone through in my life.
"You wont even have to look for it".
She'd tell me that I would look at her and feel peace. That my heart would be at ease, and the connection would so be powerful that I would hear God whisper in my ear,
"Thats her" .....
I believed that. But I couldn't comprehend it at that point in my life.
Yet I always knew there was something I was destined to find.
So I journeyed along this broken road, hoping one day it would lead me home. Often pondering how wonderful a connection so deep could feel ....
Until I found you.
And saw every hope and dream I've ever had reflecting so bright in your big beautiful eyes.
Knowing in my heart you were the woman that God led me on this journey to find. To make sense of all the pain I have ever endured, and to give me hope that the rest of my life could be even more beautiful than I ever dreamed it to be.
I never imagined that I'd find someone so utterly and completely perfect. Someone who would fill my world with more joy than I ever dreamed of. A woman who would touch my life in such a profound way, and give me an entirely new reason to breathe.
Everything I ever anticipated you to be pales in comparison to who you actually are.
I think back to that Monday morning in September. I stopped and looked at you as the sun shined through, and in the softest voice you introduced yourself. It was at that moment that two strangers became connected in this crazy world. Paving the way for a beautiful story that I now believe had always been written in the stars.
But when I woke up that day, I had no idea that I was about to meet the woman who would become the inspiration behind my words, and the thoughts that would one day so often occupy my mind.
I've always believed love is a friendship that catches on fire.
It's the relationship that people so often warn you about. The one that comes into your life so unexpectedly, yet evolves so naturally. That one day you wake up and find yourself head over heels for someone who's been there all along.
Ours has been no exception to that rule.
You're the one person I've never hesitated opening my heart to. Telling you everything about my life, and how imperfect it's been. I've willingly showed you all of my scars, and have explained in such detail every ounce of pain I have ever endured.
It's always come so natural. Because I've trusted you'd never hurt me.
You've listened, and have understood me in ways no woman has ever before. And your genuine care for my well being has been the most sincere.
As time passed, I too began to see the despair you hid so gracefully behind your eyes. They spoke all of the words I knew you were reluctant to share. But I always knew the severity of the pain that was buried deep within your heart.
You've spent so much time giving all of yourself to others, worrying so deeply about their happiness that you somehow forgot to ask if there was anyone doing the same for you. Putting your happiness first, and sacrificing for you in ways you so naturally have for them.
Time and time again I watched as disappointment filled your eyes. Seeing all the tears you so desperately wanted to cry. And it all began to hurt me.
To see someone with such a beautiful heart look so hopeless at times changed everything I ever felt for you.
I couldn't bear to watch you suffer anymore.
It's every reason why I've invested my time into learning about your life, and your aspirations. Caring for you as a woman, and wanting to see you flourish in ways you have never before.
Because I've known that nobody has ever cared to. That they've neglected to take the time to appreciate the woman you are, to see your potential in life, and help guide you in the right direction.
But what I was failing to realize, was that while I was spending all of this time investing into you, caring for your well being, and trying to give you a different perspective on life ...
FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOU.
The way you'd look at me and giggle so innocently. How nervous you'd always get in my presence. The way your hands would sweat whenever I touched them. How you'd always listen to everything I shared with you, and genuinely cared. The way you so selflessly protected me, even when I wasn't around.
Everything you've said. Everything you've done. Everything you are.
I've fallen so deeply for.
You're my first thought in the morning, my last thought at night, and nearly every other thought in between.
And I swear every single time I hold you in my arms, it feels like home.
You've loved me. In ways I've always prayed for a woman to love me; so aggressively capturing my heart and making me feel emotions I never knew existed.
But I still never envisioned it to happen this way.
That in the middle of my ordinary life, in a place so unexpected, I'd fall in love with you of all people. And all the parts of yourself that you've believed nobody would ever love. Those broken, sharp edged pieces that you've hid from everyone but me.
I don't believe either of us expected this to happen.
But as the days turned into months, and the months into years I couldn't help but want to be the man who walked into your life and changed everything you've ever known about life and love.
The man who would hold you tight in his arms, no matter how sharp your edges were. All so that you could feel safe, and watch as all of your broken pieces fell back together.
The man that your mother and father have dreamed for you all of their life.
I have so much admiration for you. And even till this day, I still get butterflies every time I look at you.
Your voice; it's so beautiful. I could listen to speak for hours. About your dreams for the future and the life you plan for your family. It all just rolls so elegantly off your tongue.
Your smile; it's precious. It so effortlessly lights up a room, and defines your character. Time and time again, it puts the stars in my sky.
Your heart; it's pure. It pumps life into so many around you, including myself. Motivating and inspiring me to love even more gently than I do today.
And those eyes; they're so kind. They tell a story. Of your strength and how you've so selflessly swallowed pain without ever hurting those around you.
You are by far the most beautiful human being I have ever met in my life.
And I'm still in awe
that you look at me the way you do.
You have a vision for life, and I've always adored that about you.
But it's pained me to watch men consistently overlook your value. To see them neglect to love and care for you the way you deserve to be loved and cared for. Regardless of how hard you try to get them to see it.
I can't speak for them; maybe they just don't know how to love you the way you need to be loved.
That's why I listen so closely to everything you share with me. Because I know sprinkled within your words are pieces of our heart that you've unwillingly lost along the way.
Even when we speak, I watch as you hold back your tears. And I know that they derive from fear and neglect. You hold everything in, because you believe in your heart that nobody cares about how you feel. But I want you to know, it's okay to cry. And it's okay to be afraid. Because I'm here to protect you, and I swear I'd never do anything to hurt you.
That's why I've always given you my honesty. And have consistently pushed aside my pride to make sure you realize how amazing you are; even when we don't see eye to eye.
You deserve to know how wonderful I think you are. How much of an impact you've had on my life. And that beyond how breathtaking you are on the surface, it's your soul that's captured my heart.
I want to take my time undressing your conscience, and making love to your mind. I want to be the man that you share all your thoughts with. Even the ones you've never said out loud before.
I promise I'll continue to walk right beside you. Picking up every single piece of your heart that you once lost along the way. And just as I have been doing all along, I'll keep giving them back to you.
To teach you a new normal. A healthier normal.
No matter how hard it's been for me, or the sacrifices I've had to make to do it.
Because I've felt this responsibility within me. To protect their little girl in ways no other man has, or has even considered to before me.
I've wanted to teach you the difference between being flattered by a man, and complimented by one. That being liked by someone is completely different than being valued by them. To show you that it's never about how much money someone spends on you, but the investment they make into your hopes and dreams.
I want you to realize that being called beautiful pales in comparison to a man actually making you feel beautiful.
No matter how many flaws or insecurities you believe you have.
Because I know there will be days when you don't feel beautiful, and you'll somehow think I'll find you unattractive. That I'll stop caring about you because of the physical characteristics of yourself that you don't find to be perfect ...
Your hair when it's an frizzy, your smile that you hate, your legs that you believe are too big, or chest that you think is too small. The way you get nervous when you eat around me, or sweat when I hold you. Your puffy eyes in the morning, or your morning breath before you brush your teeth.
None of it will ever change
how beautiful you are in my eyes.
Because I genuinely love you.
Proving that to you hasn't been easy.
You're so used to people neglecting to take the time and effort to love properly. People who have refused to go out of their way to make you feel special. But Lord knows, I won't ever stop trying.
Because I refuse to let you live a life that leaves you feeling unwanted or unloved.
When you looked into my eyes that day and told me I deserved the world, little did you know that all I've ever wanted was you.
I didn't come into your life without purpose. I was never looking to disrupt your normalcy. I just wanted to set off a fire in your heart; one I knew you had been dying to feel for so long. And to show you what true love really means.
Somehow I know I've done just that.
And I promise you, I'll sacrifice everything if it means it'll change your life. Because my love, you have forever changed mine.
There's an entire world out there that I know you've yet to see. And I have every intention to explore it all with you. And we can stay up all night watching the stars pave way for the sun, or stand side by side near the ocean listening to the waves crashing ashore ...
But no matter where our future takes us, I will always hold your hand and protect you from harm.
I'll watch over you, and never allow you to fail.
When you cry, I'll wipe away all of your tears. When you hurt, I'll hold you in my arms and take away your pain. When you're uncertain, I'll be here to guide you in the right direction.
And I'll always choose you over and over again.
Without pause. Without a doubt. In a heartbeat.
I'll keep choosing you.
So do me a favor, and tell your mother and father that I'll protect the dreams they've spent years wishing for you. That I'll work as tirelessly as they have to see them come to life. And I'll love their daughter until the rain stops crashing down.
And no matter what happens in the future ... regardless of what I accomplish, how many books I write, the amount of people who read my words, or the lives I've yet to inspire ....
I know one thing is for sure,
Loving you will be the greatest thing I ever do.